be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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