Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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