Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
