how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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