those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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