Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
