Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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