11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.