You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
