I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.