hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.