drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
