Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

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(819): View more from Quebec

He was spoon feeding me wine all night.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears

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(941): View more from Florida

Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(423): View more from Tennessee

You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."

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(925): View more from California

I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it

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(804): View more from Virginia

Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.

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(248): View more from Michigan

i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager

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(248): View more from Michigan

Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.

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