I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.