I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
