It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
