dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
