I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
