threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
