after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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