i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
