U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
