Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think your dad took our porno
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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