i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
