Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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