you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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