At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
