Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
