you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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