dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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