just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
