boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Houston, we have a blender
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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