lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
