he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
