I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
