don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
