well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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