i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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