At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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