I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
