I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
