Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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