she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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