If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
