I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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