i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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