Don't you send me to vm
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
