Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
