Pregnant stripper...not hot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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