Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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