Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
