just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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