Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
