He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
