I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
