it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my sisters under your porch take her home
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
