I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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