you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
