There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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