butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Too much gin, very little bucket
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
