Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
