He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
