I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
