I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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