youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, beer. Big fan.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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