she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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