she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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