my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
