You can't motorboat a personality
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
