She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
