I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
