laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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