Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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