the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize