i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
