I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
pray to the hookup gods
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
