I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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