Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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