oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
