my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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