I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
