Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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