I just threw up on my dentist
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
