I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize