why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
