His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I supernannyed him into submission
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
